Are you charming?
I ask that question because a lot of people are not really sure if they are. And I think that’s a sad thing because charm is a wonderful thing to have in this world.
Charm or Charisma is defined as a power or a quality that makes someone or something pleasing or delighting. It is that something that compels us to someone across a crowded room or the reason why someone is the belle of the ball or the life of the party. It is that something that gives people that magical ability to get what they want from other people. As I said, charm is wonderful thing to have.
So how do we become charming?
The first obvious step is to look good. Yes, people are drawn to beautiful things but charm is more than just beauty. All we need to do is to look our best and be comfortable with how we are. A great outfit can also spark other people’s interest, make you memorable, or could start a topic of conversation. And knowing that you look good exudes a wonderful positive aura that people generally want to be around of.
The next step is to have a killer smile. A killer smile should be the ff: it should reach your eyes, convey happiness, and more effective when directed at someone.
A good smile should open up your face. Everyone looks better when they smile.
The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul and you can gauge a lot about a person with their eyes. So your smile should be in your eyes. Tyra Banks calls this —“smizing”. A good way to do this is to close your eyes, think of happy thoughts and smile—your eyes will show it.
Consequently, smiles are most effective when directed at someone. Hone in and give all your attention to someone when you smile. A well-directed smile can engage a person’s interest from across a room, and most importantly, make them feel special. And when people feel special, they will most likely go out of their way to know you, or make you happy.
Now that you’ve gotten their attention, how do you keep it? A lot of people may be interesting for a few minutes, but the really charismatic can hold people’s attentions for 30 minutes, for a whole party, a year or years.
One has to know how to engage in great conversation. Keep this in mind: charming people do not just know how to talk, but also to listen.
So in order to be charming, you should learn how to listen to what the other person is saying, to what they could mean, or to what interests them. Be observant and ask questions.
Also, give compliments. A good tip is to figure out what you would like to hear if you were complimented and do the same to others. Sometimes someone says something to you and you know it’s fake, because you know that it’s not a genuine compliment but flattery. Flattery is when you know that someone is saying something to make you do something, complimenting someone is saying something good about them because you want to make the other person feel good. The difference is intent. It separates the charmers to the flatterers.
Another good tip is to assume rapport. Assume and act like you already know the person. This is tricky because you have to make sure that you don’t come across as being too forward. But used properly, it can make the other person be immediately comfortable, and of course, increase the feeling of closeness and you get away with more things in the interaction.
If you look good, have a killer smile, and know how to talk to people but lack the conviction to seem believable. It will be for nothing. You need confidence.
The key to confidence can be nicely summarized in 5 words. BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE AWESOME. If you believe that you are awesome, people will believe it too. But there is a fine line that separates believing you’re awesome and being arrogant. Arrogance is feeling that you are better than everybody else .
The truly charming may be better than most people in the room, but you’ll never hear them say it or act like it. A good rule is to never talk down on people. Never say something with the intent of making the other person feel inferior.
This includes accepting compliments graciously. If someone compliments you, don’t say “no.. i’m not..” because when you do, you just called the other person who complimented you a liar. Say thank you, and feel lucky that you were complimented.
Remember people may be initially drawn to a confident person who seems amazing but they’ll only stay if that person makes them feel amazing too.
All it really takes to be charming is a desire to make the other person feel good. You do this by giving them something good to see (like yourself or your smile), giving them something good to hear (like sincere compliments, and good conversation) and lastly giving them something good to feel (like a positive aura, or an openness or confidence). Look good, have a killer smile, know how to engage in conversation, and be confident, with these, one can’t fail to charm.
So, are you charming?
**This speech was delivered last 11.10.11 to my TM club Butter n Toast for Speech Project #2: Organizing Your Speech. 🙂 I was so nervous, but I definitely enjoyed giving the speech. 🙂
**the cute bunny photo is from http://www.happytime2.ewebsite.com