The Defense of a Friend

memeI liked that meme that a facebook friend posted and it sorta opened a can of worms in my brain and it got me thinking about friends that “failed’ to “defend’ me and if that was really a friendship ender. And my final answer is no. It is not.

I mean, it’s a good quote, but things are not always that black and white. When I was younger, siguro I’d be like in arms when someone who’s supposed to be a friend doesn’t “defend” me. Actually in my younger years, I remember resenting people that have done just that. They didn’t defend me, they didn’t involve themselves in whatever drama I had with other people. And it felt like they left me alone, because they weren’t on “my side” kasi they were not agreeing (or come to think of it, they were not disagreeing either) with my issues.

Call it maturity now, but I get why they did it, and I’m thankful that they did. We were in a barkada and I had a fight with other people in the barkada. Some chose to stay out of it, and let us deal with it. They maintained their friendship with me and with those other people separately. I’m sure it was hard and oftentimes frustrating for them. But they stuck with it— Bravo! Looking back it’s funny when I think about how I felt that they left me alone, when all I needed to do was ask and they’d be there really, all I had to do was ask. (It’s ideal if friends should just know if you need help, but if they have a life, chances are they won’t, unless you tell them. Also, passive aggressive crap does not count as asking for help,at least in my book). Okay, how that thing resolved was that I swallowed some learning pills, I made up with those friends, and now that barkada has celebrated more than 10 years of friendship and counting.

So it’s a good quote–I really would appreciate a friend telling people I’m nice when people tell them that I’m not. At the end of the day though, I’d like to think that real friends won’t really care even when other people are against you, or when lies are being told about you. (I was reminded about that recently by a near stranger.)

Friendship has a nebulous cloud of definitions for every person–it changes with every day, every action or every inaction. Everyone has their reasons for leaving a friend or a lover, or staying and sticking by someone when it seems futile to someone else, and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t seem right or fair or even if it makes sense or not. All I wish for is discernment. Discernment to see the fine line between things that should really concern me and things that don’t, discernment to figure out the lies from what is truth, and discernment to figure out who should be in my life.

PS. Apologies on the random, unfiltered unorganized thoughts again. I somehow started from the meme and ended up somewhere else, my apologies. 🙂

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